It's Michigan Week.
Contrary to past form, I've managed to remain substantially productive at work this week, but not because I think the game is automatic or anything. I'm old enough to remember John Cooper's Reign of Terror and have no illusions about the actual inevitability of any supposedly inevitable wins by The Ohio State University over the wicked, cheating scoundrels from Meatchicken. And literally everything in the world (apart from Meatchicken's obvious and terrific awfulness) points to scUM pulling the upset this week.
First-year coach at TSUN, not one of whom has ever lost their first game against Ohio State: check.
Ohio State never having ever, ever beaten Michigan five straight times: check.
Wildly overconfident tOSU fans with no sense of historical perspective on the rivalry and possibly infecting the mental composition of the actual Ohio State players who after all are only 20 years old and themselves have no sense of historical perspective on the rivalry: check again.
To remind myself to actively hate Michigan every day and with every fiber of my core, I will be watching ESPN Classic's rebroadcast of the 1995 and 1997 Ohio State self-immolations against TSUN when they are on this week. As a diehard Buckeye from way back in the day before all this "spread offense" business was all the rage with the kids, I must say I find Ohio State's 1996 loss to Michigan the most painful and inexplicable of the many stunning examples of John Cooper finding a comical and improbable way to lose to an inferior team from a cold and rat-infested northern climate. Since I'm really trying hard this week to get my anger up, allow me to ask rhetorically: why does ESPN never rebroadcast that 1996 loss, or the stunning shutout loss in 1993? The 1995 and 1997 losses are on all the time. Why not the 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1999 or 2000 losses, which were no less bitter for being less surprising?
Contrary to past form, I've managed to remain substantially productive at work this week, but not because I think the game is automatic or anything. I'm old enough to remember John Cooper's Reign of Terror and have no illusions about the actual inevitability of any supposedly inevitable wins by The Ohio State University over the wicked, cheating scoundrels from Meatchicken. And literally everything in the world (apart from Meatchicken's obvious and terrific awfulness) points to scUM pulling the upset this week.
First-year coach at TSUN, not one of whom has ever lost their first game against Ohio State: check.
Ohio State never having ever, ever beaten Michigan five straight times: check.
Wildly overconfident tOSU fans with no sense of historical perspective on the rivalry and possibly infecting the mental composition of the actual Ohio State players who after all are only 20 years old and themselves have no sense of historical perspective on the rivalry: check again.
To remind myself to actively hate Michigan every day and with every fiber of my core, I will be watching ESPN Classic's rebroadcast of the 1995 and 1997 Ohio State self-immolations against TSUN when they are on this week. As a diehard Buckeye from way back in the day before all this "spread offense" business was all the rage with the kids, I must say I find Ohio State's 1996 loss to Michigan the most painful and inexplicable of the many stunning examples of John Cooper finding a comical and improbable way to lose to an inferior team from a cold and rat-infested northern climate. Since I'm really trying hard this week to get my anger up, allow me to ask rhetorically: why does ESPN never rebroadcast that 1996 loss, or the stunning shutout loss in 1993? The 1995 and 1997 losses are on all the time. Why not the 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1999 or 2000 losses, which were no less bitter for being less surprising?
Yes, this makes me sort of a connessour of the many flavors of defeat, which was a dish annually served to us Buckeyes in barely differing vintages for thirteen long and desperate years beginning the same month the first George Bush got elected. (And, this being a political blog, I can't help but observe that we'll be getting a different but similarly rancid flavor of defeat for at least four years beginning the month that BHO was elected. See if you can guess what I'm referring to! End political aside.) I use this angle to remind myself never to let down my guard against the treacherous heathen from Ann Arbor--because that's just what they would want us to do.
Never stop hating Michigan just because they momentarily appear laughable and hapless. It's all a show and a clever ruse. If the Buckeyes fall for it and allow the improbable 20-point spread go to their heads, the northern rodents will ply their sneaky rodent wares on us all and rise up from their totally feigned ineptitude to stab our Godfearing Buckeye hearts with a plastic spoon melted down into a pointy prisonyard stabbing implement. Never trust a Michigan rodent. DEATH TO THE BLUE RAT.
Never stop hating Michigan just because they momentarily appear laughable and hapless. It's all a show and a clever ruse. If the Buckeyes fall for it and allow the improbable 20-point spread go to their heads, the northern rodents will ply their sneaky rodent wares on us all and rise up from their totally feigned ineptitude to stab our Godfearing Buckeye hearts with a plastic spoon melted down into a pointy prisonyard stabbing implement. Never trust a Michigan rodent. DEATH TO THE BLUE RAT.
1 comment:
I can't even begin to tell you how much I agree. I spent a fruitless 20 minutes today trying to convince one of my students that nothing with scUM is ever for granted and there is lots of history to prove this point. He repeatedly replied, "Yeah, but Michigan sucks." I tried to point out the benefits of talking up one's opponent rather than down before the game - this point fell on deaf ears.
I weep for the future.
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